Tag Archives: feedback

10 Rules to Remember When the Reciever of Criticism

12 Jun

  1. Don’t be thrown by a giver’s manner of delivery—givers think they are right. Otherwise, why would they be approaching you? Remember, however, that they only “think” they’re right. It’s not necessarily true. 
  2. Keep an open mind. You can reject the criticism at any point. 
  3. The receiver colors what’s being said. 
  4. The ability to accept criticism varies, depending on who is delivering the criticism. 
  5. If the giver is attempting to deliver instructive or quality criticism, it is the receiver’s responsibility to make the giver feel comfortable. 
  6. The giver is just as uncomfortable in delivering the criticism as the receiver is in getting it. 
  7. Avoid personalizing criticism; instead, look at quality criticism as a resource for achieving your goals. 
  8. In most instances, reacting defensively or becoming argumentative is ineffective; this kind of behavior precludes any meaningful discussion. 
  9. Receiving criticism is uncomfortable because the giver is pointing out something negative or expressing some form of disapproval, and criticism implies that you will need to make a change. 
  10.  As the receiver, you need to look beyond the words to the intent of the criticism.

By keeping these insights in mind, you will be able to more effectively keep your emotions in check, stay focused on sorting out the intent behind the criticism, and keep the criticism in the proper perspective. Doing all of this positions you to benefit from what is being communicated when on the receiving end of criticism!

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Factors to Help You Avoid Personalizing Feedback or Criticism- Part 3

31 May


Inspect what others say- both praise and criticism.

It’s important to get into the habit of inspecting what is said. Developing good habits is essential. If you accept praise from someone without inspecting it, then when someone criticizes you, out of habit, you won’t inspect the criticism very closely either. As a result, you will be more apt to personalize it.


When you inspect what is being said, to keep the words from becoming electrically charged, simply view what is said as information. In order to benefit from the information, make sure you understand what is being said for the purpose of gaining enough insight to know what corrective action you can take in the future.

Factors to Help You Avoid Personalizing Feedback or Criticism- Part 2

28 May


Keep the big picture perspective in mind

No one likes making mistakes, but no one is perfect either.  The best you can hope for is that the mistakes that do arise will be little ones, and their effect will be minuscule. Large mistakes or small, the point here is that in the big picture, mistakes are a given, and even though you may not like them, you need to give yourself permission to make a few.


Keeping an open mind and seeking to learn from mistakes turns criticism into a valuable tool for enhancing performance and for building relationships that are rooted in trust, respect, and credibility.

Factors to Help You Avoid Personalizing Feedback or Criticism- Part I

24 May


Consider your level of confidence as it relates to the particular situation.

If your confidence is low, give yourself permission for making a mistake and make sure you are clear about the specific desired action you need to take from the giver’s perspective.  The more confidence you have in something, the less likely you are to personalize the criticism. 


Likewise, confidence is linked to the number of successful experiences you have had. When you are criticized for something but can draw upon successful experiences to the contrary, it is easier to accept the criticism provided it is quality criticism or the kind of criticism that is meant to be helpful.  The opposite is also true. When you lack a frame of reference to put a criticism in perspective, that criticism can have a bigger impact and hurt you more deeply.

How to Avoid Responding Defensively to Feedback

20 May


Responding defensively to criticism is not automatic. What are triggers?

For starters, when someone is delivering criticism, the message is rooted in some degree of negativity and hearing something negative may cause a few sparks to fly. Combine that with listening to argue or to judge, where you are automatically creating a right/wrong, agree/disagree condition and you are positioning yourself to respond defensively.

Another trigger that promotes a defensive response is paying more attention to “how” the criticism is being delivered and overlooking “what” is being said. If you hear yourself saying to others, “Don’t speak to me that way” then you are focusing your energies on how the criticism is being delivered.

Generally,  the purpose of criticism is to get you to change your behavior—to do something better, achieve a desired end result, or grow personally or professionally. Keeping this understanding of criticism in mind can also help you see the situation differently and prevent you from listening in an argumentative or judgmental way.

Perhaps the best advice to help you avoid the tendency to come across defensively is to think about certain people who arouse your emotions more than others, and make a mental or actual list of those people. Then prepare a non- defensive response in advance. When you meet up with one of the people on your list, you will be better prepared to handle the exchange, while simultaneously keeping your emotions in check.

To avoid speaking first and regretting it later, take the advice from one passionate leader who said, “zip your lips”. You can always go back to the giver once you have thought about what’s been said to set the record straight!

Receiving Criticism: Tip #5

14 Dec


Keep an open mind to criticism

Chances are great that if someone approaches you and you don’t like the person, or don’t respect them, you’ll tune the person out regardless of what they say—especially if they are criticizing you.

Rather than reject the criticism, keep an open mind—all you’re getting is information.  It’s important to separate the message from the messenger.  Even an enemy might give you some valuable information, or at least bring your attention to a specific behavior that you need to change. After all, that’s the intent behind the familiar expression, “Stay close to you friends and even closer to your enemies”!

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Receiving Criticism: Tip #4

12 Dec

Let Go of the Criticism

Holding on to criticism for days on end isn’t very healthy, nor does it do much to resolve the issue.  Brooding over criticism is a means of acting on it, but is this action what you really want to be doing?

Building from our premises that we aren’t perfect and that criticism is designed to bring about action that will lead us closer to a desired end result will then make it easier to use Bright’s Wastepaper Basket Quick Charge.

This skill is practiced by mentally writing down all your thoughts, especially your troublesome ones, on an imaginary piece of paper. After mentally placing all your thoughts on the paper, visualize crumpling up the paper and throwing it into the wastepaper basket, where it immediately gets burned. Depending upon the severity of the situation, it may be necessary to practice this skill several times. Remember, after you’ve carefully examined the situation and have learned from your mistake, then it’s important to “let go” of the criticism by practicing Bright’s Wastepaper Basket Quick Charge.

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